Living as a Machine
In the backseat of my mom's car, I sink into the seat to avoid her gaze. That's not necessary, because her eyes are fixed firmly on the road. when i looked at her, she was like a machine, dead eyes with nothing inside. no anger. No Sadness at my... decision. There is less emotion now that i am out of the the godforsaken place. Right then, my mom said with a monotone voice,
"get your stuff together"
"Why?"
"We've almost reached your Dad's house"
I groan and sink further into the seat. I don't care what he said at the hospital. He's not going to improve, no matter what he says.
The car pulls to a rough stop outside of a building I don't recognize.
"Get out," she snaps. I reach for my Bible and journal, and as I carefully lift the journal off the seats, My mom slams on the horn, startling me enough to drop the journal.
The damn thing falls into a puddle, some of the pages fall on the pavement, and as I scramble to grab the pages, my mom repeats her command.
get out."
She slams on the gas and and a bunch of rainwater goes in to my face, causing me to start gagging on it. i slowly walk up to my dads door and i knock on the door. and it creaks open with my dad smiling and his girlfriend standing there. I say
"hi"
the only thing that they have to say is
"hi...."
with a disappointed frown on their faces like i just killed someone. Well, that's not promising.
I reach for my dad to hug him, but he doesn't respond. He just stands there. I step back and try his girlfriend. she backs up a step, that expression still splashed over her face.
With a sigh, I push between them, and start up the stairs.
This is a small, old house. the floor creaks under my feet, and I can hear my dad's hushed conversation with his girlfriend.
"she isn't supposed to be here"
"Come on, she can't be that bad-"
"She tried killing herself... you call that not bad?"
I just gave up listening and went upstairs to my room.
My disgusting black decor lines the room, staring evilly at me, reminding me of when
I tried to kill myself. Damn them. Damn them all. I grab one and rip it violently off the wall.
It was a disgustingly morbid piece of crap. and I spent money on it. But then I remembered, I have my music now. I went over to my desk to see where it was. I put the earbuds in my ears and and grabbed my nano and put on same music but all of the songs kept reminding me of the time that i spent in the hellhole they call a hospital. some of my songs were last resort, a song that was talking about slitting your wrists. Frustrated, I yanked out my ear buds and tossed the thing away. It vanished under my bed but I don't care.
My stomach growled softly, and I realized I hadn't really eaten for a few weeks. So I looked though the door to to make sure no one was there and there wasn't so i just went in. I looked in the fridge and found a jar of peanut butter to make one. I needed a knife to cut the bread, I looked everywhere but i couldn't find one anywhere at all so i gave up, settling on some apples, so i grabbed them and started to head up back to my room when i heard my name.
"Emma"
I turned around to find that my dad was right behind me. i was scared i couldn't move, i swear he was going to hit me but he didn't, it confused me, but he just said
"how are you liking it here in our home?"
" its fine i guess but you need to find some knives i couldn't at all"
"oh well that is because Dr. X said to keep sharp objects away from you"
"why the hell would he say that?"
"because you tried to kill yourself Emma"
i just got mad and stormed off to my room and when i got there i noticed that the windows where barred shut.
I turned around and thought about asking. Why would he do that? does he think I'd jump out? how stupid does he think I am? unless I landed on my head, the best I could do from this height is a broken leg. Besides, I'm going to change.
After what seems like an eternity, I hear my dad's voice call me down for dinner . Not angrily, rather gently. But I'm still afraid of him. I slowly drag myself from the room. When I reach the bottom of the stairs, My dad is sitting there with his girlfriend. On the table is a stack of papers. I only catch the words "Emma" and "Mental institution" before my dad yanks it off the table. on the table is a stack of various random leftovers. I grab a freaking hot pocket and wolf it down, not realizing how hungry I am. After Downing it, I realize I didn't let it cool first. Damn it. I reach for the mountain dew and pour it into my glass. I drink the pop as fast as possible then notice the look my dad and his girlfriend is giving me. Then we are just staring at each other for what seems like forever but it hasn't even been a fucking minute. i got this weird look from him be for but i didn't know what she was doing it was so different it was like she was giving birth to another child.
"Well this is awkward..."
My weak attempt at breaking the ice fails miserably.
I take a handful of grapes off a platter. Under their stares, I can't eat. I roll them around in my palm, not really eating.
My dad glares at me, sort of like he's waiting for me to say something. I can't.
I start to excuse myself, but my dad barks at me to sit down. I sigh and finish the grapes with no enjoyment. Finally, I silently leave and lock my room shut.
"get your stuff together"
"Why?"
"We've almost reached your Dad's house"
I groan and sink further into the seat. I don't care what he said at the hospital. He's not going to improve, no matter what he says.
The car pulls to a rough stop outside of a building I don't recognize.
"Get out," she snaps. I reach for my Bible and journal, and as I carefully lift the journal off the seats, My mom slams on the horn, startling me enough to drop the journal.
The damn thing falls into a puddle, some of the pages fall on the pavement, and as I scramble to grab the pages, my mom repeats her command.
get out."
She slams on the gas and and a bunch of rainwater goes in to my face, causing me to start gagging on it. i slowly walk up to my dads door and i knock on the door. and it creaks open with my dad smiling and his girlfriend standing there. I say
"hi"
the only thing that they have to say is
"hi...."
with a disappointed frown on their faces like i just killed someone. Well, that's not promising.
I reach for my dad to hug him, but he doesn't respond. He just stands there. I step back and try his girlfriend. she backs up a step, that expression still splashed over her face.
With a sigh, I push between them, and start up the stairs.
This is a small, old house. the floor creaks under my feet, and I can hear my dad's hushed conversation with his girlfriend.
"she isn't supposed to be here"
"Come on, she can't be that bad-"
"She tried killing herself... you call that not bad?"
I just gave up listening and went upstairs to my room.
My disgusting black decor lines the room, staring evilly at me, reminding me of when
I tried to kill myself. Damn them. Damn them all. I grab one and rip it violently off the wall.
It was a disgustingly morbid piece of crap. and I spent money on it. But then I remembered, I have my music now. I went over to my desk to see where it was. I put the earbuds in my ears and and grabbed my nano and put on same music but all of the songs kept reminding me of the time that i spent in the hellhole they call a hospital. some of my songs were last resort, a song that was talking about slitting your wrists. Frustrated, I yanked out my ear buds and tossed the thing away. It vanished under my bed but I don't care.
chapter two
My stomach growled softly, and I realized I hadn't really eaten for a few weeks. So I looked though the door to to make sure no one was there and there wasn't so i just went in. I looked in the fridge and found a jar of peanut butter to make one. I needed a knife to cut the bread, I looked everywhere but i couldn't find one anywhere at all so i gave up, settling on some apples, so i grabbed them and started to head up back to my room when i heard my name.
"Emma"
I turned around to find that my dad was right behind me. i was scared i couldn't move, i swear he was going to hit me but he didn't, it confused me, but he just said
"how are you liking it here in our home?"
" its fine i guess but you need to find some knives i couldn't at all"
"oh well that is because Dr. X said to keep sharp objects away from you"
"why the hell would he say that?"
"because you tried to kill yourself Emma"
i just got mad and stormed off to my room and when i got there i noticed that the windows where barred shut.
I turned around and thought about asking. Why would he do that? does he think I'd jump out? how stupid does he think I am? unless I landed on my head, the best I could do from this height is a broken leg. Besides, I'm going to change.
After what seems like an eternity, I hear my dad's voice call me down for dinner . Not angrily, rather gently. But I'm still afraid of him. I slowly drag myself from the room. When I reach the bottom of the stairs, My dad is sitting there with his girlfriend. On the table is a stack of papers. I only catch the words "Emma" and "Mental institution" before my dad yanks it off the table. on the table is a stack of various random leftovers. I grab a freaking hot pocket and wolf it down, not realizing how hungry I am. After Downing it, I realize I didn't let it cool first. Damn it. I reach for the mountain dew and pour it into my glass. I drink the pop as fast as possible then notice the look my dad and his girlfriend is giving me. Then we are just staring at each other for what seems like forever but it hasn't even been a fucking minute. i got this weird look from him be for but i didn't know what she was doing it was so different it was like she was giving birth to another child.
"Well this is awkward..."
My weak attempt at breaking the ice fails miserably.
I take a handful of grapes off a platter. Under their stares, I can't eat. I roll them around in my palm, not really eating.
My dad glares at me, sort of like he's waiting for me to say something. I can't.
I start to excuse myself, but my dad barks at me to sit down. I sigh and finish the grapes with no enjoyment. Finally, I silently leave and lock my room shut.
chapter three
Its finally getting dark for fucking crying out loud. I can soon be alone. I hear a loud crash coming from the family room. I bet those two had too much wine and now they're fucking. "laugh".Well if they are, soon they will go to their room and i can go out for a drink. I hear another loud crash so i start to look for my nano and i remember they it went under my bed. So i get on my knees and get down and look for it but i don't find it. but i did find a full metal set of knives under there i think to myself
"oh yeah, I don't need to use a fork to cut anything any more."
all of a sudden i hear footsteps in the hall, and the door creaks open slowly.
The outside door, I mean. My dad says something, I can't hear with two doors in the way. Then, a gunshot rattles my mind. I jump down the stairs two at a time and watch a female form slip out of the door. My dad's on the floor, bleeding from the head. After the initial psychological shockwave, I draw a knife. I'm going to kill. I rush out the door. A silhouette of a woman runs from the house. Without a second thought, I swipe my current knife, a long and thin one, across her back. She only manages to groan out. "It wasn't me" before I plunge the knife in between her shoulder blades. That voice sounded far too familiar. I pull the knife out and turn the assailant over. I jump when I see the face: my my stepmom. In her hands, there is no gun, or any evidence of one. I hear an engine start and I see a second female figure climb into a black car and speed just a little too fast away from here. Mother fucker.
I do what I should have done in the first place. I call the cops. 9-1-1.
A rather tired-sounding operator mumbles,
"911 (yawn) what is your emergency?"
"Someone shot my dad and-"
in a split second I make the choice to lie to the operator.
"stabbed my stepmom"
The operator is so fucking calm.
She mumbles something away from the phone and then to me, she says
"the police will be at your house soon. No need to give your address, your phone is tracked."
She hangs up. I start to head back to the house and when I got there, they were there and they would not leave me alone they asked where my stepmom was. So i just yelled,
"Leave me alone for a few fucking seconds, ok?"
So i go up to get my nano to listen to music. That will fucking calm me down and it did. So about a hour later, all the cops were gone I gave them what i knew and all of that crap and i couldn't see my dad's dead body to say good bye. But why would I? he beat my mother me and my whole family is ruined but still he was my father. so if it was not my step mom that did it who was it rosemary? no she is to busy paul ? no i dout that he would any way it was a girl that did it so that can only leave mom. so i need to find her and see why she fucking sent me to this hellhole and decide to kill him why didn't she just kill him when i wasn't here so i don't have to go through this bullshit. so I'm homeless and i need to find a place where i am welcome to stay wait i know, i don't like it though, the hospital.
i never thought i would be coming to this place again for help but this time its not for therapy. So i walk in to hell and i say at the top of my lungs I'm back all of a sudden there is guard around me strapping me to a table. The next thing i know I'm out of it on laughing gas so I'm laughing like I'm a fucking lunatic. It was funny. so i pass out for a wile and when i wake up I'm still strapped to this table thing i have no idea what its fucking called but its metal its cold i gess they still don't tern on the heater till its like noon "laugh" so i ask to see dr.X one of them say "ok" and unstraps me from the table and takes me to his office. so when i get there theirs no big deal its just dr.X the one person that i liked in this place except for dam-it i can't remember his name. oh well i am here for the doc not the other dude i haven't been in here in a long time they changed the format of his office. ok so i was ready to tell him all of it how my dad was a busive to my family and how i wanted to kill my self because of the pain of it i just wanted to end it before it started again. well I'm siting here for ever where the hell is Dr. X. so i just git up and leave the room and go to the front office to see if i can check in as a pashiont so i when up and when i asked they handed me some paper to fill out they need all my stuff again. this is blush i spent blanck how many days here and that need it all again but i need a place to stay so i filed it out with all the right stuff i hope. ok so they made me change in their unconfertable clothing again. when i wear them it's like I'm shit in a bag and no one wants me so that just throw me away. so i just go to my fucking room and see who i have to fucking bunk with so when i get in my room i said hi to show that i cared when i don't give a shit about who it was or what there problem was. a shiy girl said
"hi"
she was curled up in here bed with a spoon in her hand and it was agenst her neck like she was going to kill her self with a fucking spoon i slowly walk over and tack it out if her hande and look at it closely the tips of the spoon was carver down to a sharp point so she could kill her self a doc came ing and said "lights out"
and trend off the light so i got in bed and it was like that tabs freeing coled and i passed out in a few minutes.
to be continued .............
you finish the story how u want it with her death or life have fun
The outside door, I mean. My dad says something, I can't hear with two doors in the way. Then, a gunshot rattles my mind. I jump down the stairs two at a time and watch a female form slip out of the door. My dad's on the floor, bleeding from the head. After the initial psychological shockwave, I draw a knife. I'm going to kill. I rush out the door. A silhouette of a woman runs from the house. Without a second thought, I swipe my current knife, a long and thin one, across her back. She only manages to groan out. "It wasn't me" before I plunge the knife in between her shoulder blades. That voice sounded far too familiar. I pull the knife out and turn the assailant over. I jump when I see the face: my my stepmom. In her hands, there is no gun, or any evidence of one. I hear an engine start and I see a second female figure climb into a black car and speed just a little too fast away from here. Mother fucker.
I do what I should have done in the first place. I call the cops. 9-1-1.
A rather tired-sounding operator mumbles,
"911 (yawn) what is your emergency?"
"Someone shot my dad and-"
in a split second I make the choice to lie to the operator.
"stabbed my stepmom"
The operator is so fucking calm.
She mumbles something away from the phone and then to me, she says
"the police will be at your house soon. No need to give your address, your phone is tracked."
She hangs up. I start to head back to the house and when I got there, they were there and they would not leave me alone they asked where my stepmom was. So i just yelled,
"Leave me alone for a few fucking seconds, ok?"
So i go up to get my nano to listen to music. That will fucking calm me down and it did. So about a hour later, all the cops were gone I gave them what i knew and all of that crap and i couldn't see my dad's dead body to say good bye. But why would I? he beat my mother me and my whole family is ruined but still he was my father. so if it was not my step mom that did it who was it rosemary? no she is to busy paul ? no i dout that he would any way it was a girl that did it so that can only leave mom. so i need to find her and see why she fucking sent me to this hellhole and decide to kill him why didn't she just kill him when i wasn't here so i don't have to go through this bullshit. so I'm homeless and i need to find a place where i am welcome to stay wait i know, i don't like it though, the hospital.
chapter four
i never thought i would be coming to this place again for help but this time its not for therapy. So i walk in to hell and i say at the top of my lungs I'm back all of a sudden there is guard around me strapping me to a table. The next thing i know I'm out of it on laughing gas so I'm laughing like I'm a fucking lunatic. It was funny. so i pass out for a wile and when i wake up I'm still strapped to this table thing i have no idea what its fucking called but its metal its cold i gess they still don't tern on the heater till its like noon "laugh" so i ask to see dr.X one of them say "ok" and unstraps me from the table and takes me to his office. so when i get there theirs no big deal its just dr.X the one person that i liked in this place except for dam-it i can't remember his name. oh well i am here for the doc not the other dude i haven't been in here in a long time they changed the format of his office. ok so i was ready to tell him all of it how my dad was a busive to my family and how i wanted to kill my self because of the pain of it i just wanted to end it before it started again. well I'm siting here for ever where the hell is Dr. X. so i just git up and leave the room and go to the front office to see if i can check in as a pashiont so i when up and when i asked they handed me some paper to fill out they need all my stuff again. this is blush i spent blanck how many days here and that need it all again but i need a place to stay so i filed it out with all the right stuff i hope. ok so they made me change in their unconfertable clothing again. when i wear them it's like I'm shit in a bag and no one wants me so that just throw me away. so i just go to my fucking room and see who i have to fucking bunk with so when i get in my room i said hi to show that i cared when i don't give a shit about who it was or what there problem was. a shiy girl said
"hi"
she was curled up in here bed with a spoon in her hand and it was agenst her neck like she was going to kill her self with a fucking spoon i slowly walk over and tack it out if her hande and look at it closely the tips of the spoon was carver down to a sharp point so she could kill her self a doc came ing and said "lights out"
and trend off the light so i got in bed and it was like that tabs freeing coled and i passed out in a few minutes.
to be continued .............
you finish the story how u want it with her death or life have fun
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